Tag: #selfcare

What Are You Looking For?

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” – Carl Gustave Jung

“What are you looking for?” I get this question a lot. From people who don’t know me at all to people who know me very well. It is a great question, and I often answer it a little differently depending on who is asking.

I have a fantastic life and I am the happiest I have ever been. I have a good career, own my home, and have successfully ushered my offspring into early adulthood. I have a decent relationship with my family, have amassed an impressive collection of books, board games, and hobby supplies, and so far have avoided any long term debilitating illnesses or injuries. I have a sexy and supportive primary partner, a truly beautiful group of friends, and am part of a community of people that embrace me for who I am. Life is very, very good. 

So what am I looking for? 

A big part of getting to where I am now was learning a few things along the way, and those things are as valid and important now that I am in a wonderful place as they were when I first learned them.

  1. It is unreasonable to expect one person to provide everything you need. This is true no matter what the relationship – romantic, friendship, or family. People are beautiful complex creatures, and we all come with a mess of needs, wants, and issues that are more than some of us can handle on our own. How is it fair to expect only one other person to be able to help us with all of that, when all of us can barely help ourselves? Western society likes to tell us “it takes a village to raise a child”, but why does that stop once you grow up? If anything your needs are more complex and diverse, so it only makes sense that it will take more and different people to meet them all. 
  1. I want to continue to grow and evolve as a person. Life is great right now, but that is the way it is because of all the work I did and all the changes I made to get here. It didn’t just happen overnight, and it won’t stay this way if I just leave it alone.  Everything changes, whether you want it to or not, so trying to stay the same means getting left behind. That doesn’t mean racing forward and leaping into every new thing that crosses my path, but it also doesn’t mean slamming the door on anything different or scary. I want to grow and evolve and see what else I can see/do/accomplish, not just stagnate where I am. 
  1. I crave new input. New experiences, new ideas, and new people. I firmly believe that who we are as people is made up of the things we have experienced and the people we have experienced them with, good or bad. Every person we share time with becomes a piece of us, shapes us, and ultimately determines who we are going to be next. Allowing new people in means getting to see the world through a new set of eyes, being introduced to new activities or ideas, and having the opportunity to learn new things about myself. 

So what am I looking for? I am looking for people who bring something new and worthwhile to my life, be it a romantic connection, a friendship, or an experience. My hope is that these will all be positive additions, connections that increase the size of my “village”, but even if they aren’t they are still things that I can learn from. They will still become a part of me, either treasured memories to bask in later or painful moments that teach me something new. 

Why You Should Try Boudoir Photography

“I’m not here to make you comfortable, I’m here to make you passionate.” – Lebo Grand

First things first, a little bit about me. I am not a model, influencer, or professional photographer. I do not profit financially from my online presence, from promoting others, or from any images of myself that I choose to share. I am a mother, partner, and daughter. I am a professional, a nerdy girl, and a lover of the outdoors. I am over 40, overweight, and over letting any of those things hold me back. 

Boudoir pictures have been around for a long time. Shapely young women, scantily clad, with perfect hair and perfect faces, lounging in suggestive and inviting positions. Power, confidence and sensuality absolutely oozes from their images, challenging any person looking at them to be enough to take them on. Like many of you I have frequently looked at those pictures wishing I could shine like they do. 

You know what? I can. And so can you. 

I have done a lot of work on myself over the last several years, and during that time I have come to know people who have made that journey easier. A few of them were photographers, and between my own growing knowledge of myself and what I had to offer and their skills behind the camera I came to realize one amazing thing – you do not need to be young, shapely, and perfect to be beautiful. Beauty is a state of mind. When a person believes they are beautiful then happiness and confidence radiates from them, and their power and sensuality is undeniable. It has nothing to do with how they look and everything to do with how they feel. 

We all carry within us the ability to get to that place, but that doesn’t mean we can all get there on our own. I didn’t. I had help, a lot of it. There are days when I still need help. Self confidence is a lifelong battle for me, as I am sure it is for many of you. This is where boudoir photography comes in.

Boudoir pictures capture a moment in time, a moment where you were feeling all the best things you want to feel about yourself. They are captured by someone looking at you from the outside, someone who doesn’t see all the flaws and imperfections you do, someone who wants to make you feel as empowered, beautiful, and confident as possible. Someone whose job is to help you feel good about your body. A boudoir shoot is the perfect opportunity to explore and celebrate yourself, and to do it in a fun and relaxed way. Dress up, dress down, wear a lot, a little, or nothing at all. Try a theme or a scene you’ve always loved. Do your pictures on your own, with a friend, or with a partner. Go all out and get your hair, nails, and makeup done, or go all natural. Do whatever makes you feel like the best version of you in that moment.  The experience is as important as the images that come out of it. 

What should you do with the pictures after? Whatever you want! Share them with friends, with partners, or on social media. Put them in your christmas card, hang them in your home, or display them at your funeral. Or do none of those things, and keep them just for you. Look at them on those days when you aren’t feeling good about yourself, when you need a little self healing, or when you need to be reminded of the beautiful, powerful, sensual person that you are. 

The Down Times

Do you ever have those days when you are just feeling tired? I don’t mean physically, although that can be a part of it, but mentally and emotionally just plain run down? Exhausted, drained, and like all you want in the world is to curl up somewhere safe and protected from everything that is demanding things from you?

It happens to me sometimes, and I have a really hard time with it. I am a naturally sympathetic person, and as such in most of my relationships I am a supporter. Most of the time this works for me, as I truly enjoy the feeling of being able to help someone who needs something, whether that need is physical, mental or emotional. It makes me happy when I make others feel better.

The problem comes when I need the support. Because I’m so independent and so quick to help others most of my relationships don’t get the chance to develop in a way that makes them able to support me when I need it. Most of them can’t even tell when I need it, and I have yet to find a person who knows exactly what I need, or who can give it to me even if I spell it out for them. Because of my habit of supporting I get into a cycle of pouring so much of myself into others that there is nothing left in my batteries when the time comes to take care of me. Even if I knew how I wouldn’t have the energy to do it.

So what is the solution? I don’t really know, it’s one of the things I haven’t figured out yet. Sometimes I try reaching out to people, and once or twice it has helped, but never completely, never in every way I need. Most of the time I just ride it out alone, or find something or someone to distract myself with until it passes. I know that’s not the healthiest approach, but it’s what I’ve got until I find something better. Part of my personal journey is trying to find new ways to take better care of me, or maybe one day find someone out there who knows how to help me when I need it.