The Dick Pic

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Let’s face it, it is going to happen. Whatever dating platform you use, however strict you make your communication settings, no matter what you say in your profile about not wanting one, eventually you will receive a dick pic. Most likely more than one.

Some of them will be works of art, done in specific poses, with decorations and special lighting. They may even be in black and white for that extra hint of class. Treasure these, they are the special ones, possibly even worth meeting in person one day. The sad reality is that most of the ones you get will be desperately clutched in a fist, hanging free and loose over a dirty toilet seat, lying despondently over his partially sucked in gut, or if he really isn’t putting in any effort, still mostly flaccid.

Once you get past that initial moment of violation you will likely find yourself asking “Why? Why would he send me this? What is he hoping it will accomplish?” Let’s not be silly here, we all know what the answer to that is. He is hoping that the unsolicited image of his magnificent member will catch you off guard, and in that moment of weakness, as you swoon over the beauty of his bulge, you will not be able to help yourself from doing one of two things; 1) rushing over there to climb on that radiant rod, or 2) doing everything in your power to send an equally dirty yet delicious image in return.

Most men you will meet online are opportunists. There’s nothing wrong with that, particularity if all you are looking for is opportunity. If that is the case then by all means, go enjoy that taught tool, ride it for all it is worth. Have fun with it.

If what you are looking for is a little more than just organ meat you now have a more challenging road ahead of you.  How do you respond to this image? In the great chess game that is dating, what is your counter move? Are you done with him because he crossed a line, or are you still willing to see if there is something there, despite already knowing exactly what you will be getting later on? Sure, the mystery is gone, and maybe the end reward isn’t particularly useful looking, but that doesn’t mean all your efforts so far have to be a waste. There could still be value in getting to know him, and there’s always the chance that it’s more impressive in person. Good photography skills are not a prerequisite to good sex.

I’ve received many dick pics over the years, and as a result have developed a well-tested response system. Here are the steps if you’d like to use it;

1. Ignore it. Pretend you’ve never received it, like it never existed. Sure, he can probably see that you did, but don’t acknowledge it in any way. Message him about something completely unrelated to the picture and see what he does with that.
2. If he doesn’t get the hint and asks you what you think of it have fun with your answer. Let him know that you really couldn’t believe he had sent that on purpose, so you were being polite and ignoring his little technical issue. Then carry on with your regular conversation.
3. If he still doesn’t get the hint and continues to request a review of his offerings, give it to him, no holds barred. At this point he is probably a lost cause anyway, anyone that insistent is definitely only looking for one thing. Let him know what you think of it. Or, if you really want to save some time and end the conversation, take a screenshot of a dick pic you have received from someone else and send it to him. Then ask him what he thinks of yours!